Review of An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

I am writing this review as a Ghanaian black woman who resonates with the struggles of Tayari’s main characters. I may not have married but I do understand the dynamics of Roy and Celestia’s relationship as not too long ago I was in such a situation.

I am going to write this review as though I were telling my story.

First, An American Marriage is a very beautiful book, off late I have used the word beautiful to describe good films and great books. I loved the writing style, Tayari managed to pull off three POVs and still make sense and produce a unified story and that is commendable.

The characters seem to have been carefully thought off to every detail including the hair on their heads. Regardless of how minor the character was, like Andre’s step mum, she was carefully thought off and every detail written and imagination tickled to reflect whom the author wanted us to see even if it were for a second in a sentence.

I loved the writing style, I loved it in the way it was written in language, the letters were simple yet powerful in words, it touched me, resonated in me and elicited the emotion Tayari sought after.

Roy is a black man who was found at the wrong place at the wrong time. A victim of circumstance. A man with a thriving future, his only crime wasn’t being in the hotel neither was it being in the wrong place at the wrong time, his only crime was being BLACK.

With him wrongfully accused and in prison he had to live his marriage in prison; be a married man in prison. Live his marriage in prison, and be a husband from the four walls of a prison yard.

I understood Celestia’s trying, I could understand and sympathise with her up until the point where she decided not to be a wife to an incarcerated man. Don’t get me wrong, I understood her decision, that was a brave thing to do, to think about yourself and place yourself above anyone else but then again doesn’t marriage negate that clause of individuality.

I didn’t like that she made it come off as though she was doing their marriage a favour, like it wasn’t marriage and his incarceration just worsened it, it wasn’t her decision to make alone. It wasn’t. She should have just gone ahead to tell him that she didn’t love him in the way a wife should love a husband. That she didn’t love him in the way that could lead to a forever, that she loved him as a brother or sister or a friend and not a wife.

I understood Roy’s outrage. He wasn't looking for an ally or a sister from Celestia, all he wanted was a wife.
Reminds me of a young man who once promised forever, he had been consistent in his promises of forever that i believed it, latched unto it, breathed it and looked forward to it.

You can imagine how i felt when I received the text message saying he couldn’t be there as a partner but wanted to be there for me as a friend. Now you understand why I empathise with Roy so much. I may not have been in prison for a crime I didn't commit but I was in my own prison. I was bounded by an ailment I did not ask for, I was in my own prison of sickness and I was losing everything, my job, my source of income, my lifestyle and above all myself because I was ill, so believe me when I say I did understand Roy.

Like Roy, the months preceding the break up, I saw a different human being, like he was there but wasn’t there. I’d be looking at him and be looking for him at the same time. He had left long before he sent that text message just like how Celestia had left long before she sent those letters.

“But what was I supposed to do? I work crazy hours at the shop, then i drive for hours to get to Louisiana and spend the night with his parents who don’t even like me…”

Celestia’s excuse was her career. How she worked long and hard hours and didn’t have the energy to be a wife to a husband in absentia. If we wanted to be honest here, it wasn't all that, her reason was because of Andre, it was Andre from day one. If she hadn't been with Andre she would have been content being Roy's wife from outside the prison, Andre was the push but her work was the excuse.

Not that it is a bad thing to want true and pure love and connection but it is wrong to shroud it, to dress it up, to package it and gift it to your partner as something else. It was how he treated me, he said he needed to find himself, I wondered if he was missing before or if himself wasn’t the same body I was looking at.

I was convinced there was someone in the picture, why not tell me? Why cover it and lie to my face. Exactly what Celestia did.

How do you tell a man you love him and leave him at the same time, telling him it is for both your good.

That it isn’t a decision only one person makes, we would need to talk about it and agree that it is good for us.

For a relationship to begin, it requires the consent of both parties, a collective decision. why then do you end it with an individual decision.

However I believe love comes with sacrifices especially a union, be it a relationship or marriage.

This then begs the question should we hold our partners accountable for their words?

How do you promise me forever and till death do us part and retract your words because you think you are done trying?

Is the purpose of trying not meant to keep trying till you get it right? 
How do you individually decide what is best for a team without consulting the other teammate?
Is that morally justified?
How do you move from I don’t want to be your lover to we can be friends?

NB: Abuse is a peculiar case and you don't need to talk to your partner before you leave. You just leave.

Did he even know how to be friends with me?
Did Celestia know how to be an ally/sister to Roy?

Roy comes out and finds out that his wife is with another man, his friend, her childhood friend.

It’s a lot to take in and his reaction is exactly what I would do. Desperately hang unto hope, the hope that Celestia will take him back. He begged Celestia to let him forgive her only if she asked and No she wasn’t ready to. It was a lost battle

“No,” I said. “I forgive you. I forgive you for everything.”
“It’s not true,” she said again.
“Please,” I said. “Let me forgive you.”

In the end,Roy Tried, Celestia Tried

Roy went through all the 5 stages of Grief and finally accepted that his wife would never be the same person. And maybe this marriage will never work.
In the end we agree and accept that the marriage was stillborn. It was long dead before it started.

Maybe that is the truth I needed to tell myself in the beginning, the truth I came to accept of the relationship. Some things are not meant to stay and life happens in the most unlikely of situations but we still live.

Tayari didn't just give us a story, she gave us REALITY.